Volume 1, Issue 6 June 2002
ACCOMMODATING IS EASY
Last month I talked about learning and discovering and how some are discouraged rather than encouraged. Here is a tip that may help you to encourage others.
When I came up with The Cooperative Action Model©, I researched it, studied it and then applied it. Everything seemed pretty clear to me. We celebrate the individual as the foundation of all relationships. We allow everyone to be the person they were meant to be as long as they do not knowingly adversely affect the planet or anyone on it. We negotiate our boundaries in order to have a clear understanding of all of our interactions. In all of our relationships, we strive for a balance and equilibrium in order to create a cooperative action without losing our sense of self. We understand that relationships should be built on mutual trust and respect, not power or ownership. And finally, we know that acceptance is not necessarily agreement and that some relationships are not meant to be. We are empowered to know that when a relationship is toxic, it is OK to just walk away.
Sounds simple enough, but I found that some people were still getting hung up on rules, ridged systems and a fear of change. They still didn’t get it. Cooperative action means that we find a way to cooperate with each other. Cooperative action means that we are always trying to reach a balance and equilibrium. Many people are getting caught up in the ‘yeah butts’ and the ‘what ifs’.
We can always come up with excuses for not doing something. We can always justify the status quo. That is not what The Cooperative Action Model© is about. That’s when it hit me. That’s when I finally figured out the simple mindset that was needed for people to understand the essence of The Cooperative Action Model©.
We all need to learn how to be accommodating. I looked the word accommodating up in the dictionary and it states:
Accommodating: willing to please; ready to help; obliging.
When we are accommodating, it does not mean that we lose our sense of self. It does not mean that we throw out the rules and codes of conduct. It does not mean that every time someone asks us for something, we must comply with his or her wishes.
Let us look at some ‘what if’ statements and see how we can change them into ‘accommodating’ statements.
‘What if’ statement: “If we let Ted do that, we will be setting a precedent.”
‘Accommodating’ statement: “Let’s see if we can accommodate Ted in this particular instance as long as we can be assured that it will not set a precedent.”
‘What if’ statement: “If we let Ted do that, what will George and Martha (the 2%ers) say?”
‘Accommodating’ statement: “There is no reason why we can’t accommodate Ted in this instance. You know that George and Martha are going to possibly react to this in their usual way. So, let’s make sure that we are proactive and bring them into the loop so they can understand why this is good for everyone.”
‘What if’ statement: “We’ve never done that before, what if it doesn’t work?”
‘Accommodating’ statement: “Well, we have never done something like this before, so let’s look at the entire project and see what the pros and cons are to see if we can actually do it.”
‘What if’ statement: “You know what the boss is like, we could never get him/her to agree to that.”
‘Accommodating’ statement: “Let’s see what the upside of this is and how we can get the boss to agree to implementing this new concept.”
‘What if’ statement: “This company has never done that before.”
‘Accommodating’ statement: “Interesting idea, we have not thought about taking the company in that direction before today. Why don’t we sit down and see if it is feasible to implement this new concept.”
Can you see how the negative ‘what if’ statements can be changed to ‘accommodating’ statements? None of the accommodating statements committed to implementing the concepts. Unlike what if statements, the accommodating statements do not put up roadblocks. The accommodating statements do not close the door on the person or the idea. The accommodating statements are positive in nature and are intended to encourage people to feel freer to communicate their ideas without fear of being shut down.
Here is the bonus of being accommodating. When the time comes to make an unpopular decision by the person in charge (you know the one where the buck stops), others will understand that the person in charge has done everything that could be done to accommodate the situation. The back room gossip stops, the mistrust stops and people are more accepting of those rare times when a decision does not go their way.
Please think about an accommodating mindset and how it can help you in your everyday relationships. People will not be afraid to tell you things. People will not be afraid to make suggestions. People will begin to adopt an accommodating mindset themselves.
And when tough decisions have to be made, everyone knows that we did our best to be accommodating.
“I just wanted you to know that I thought this (May 2002) was an excellent article. Thanks for putting thoughts together and giving us something new to think about. Hopefully most didn’t have a “hit and yell” childhood; but those who did that read this article will help them understand that others have gone through this too and they can go on with their life ” you may have broken down a barrier for someone!”
“Thank you for this month’s newsletter (May 2002). Right on…the last comment…how appropriate. If only one followed that little rule, what a better place this would be.”
THANKS CAROLYN AND TERRY
Until next time, I wish you best in life…
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