THE CARAVAN Volume 9, Issue 6, June 2010
IT’S MEGO NOT EGO
Many of us have heard about and talked about this thing called the EGO. The dictionary defines the EGO as the self; the individual as self-aware. So when we talk about our egos getting in the way we are talking about ourselves getting in the way. Yet I don’t think many of us actually relate this thing called the ego to ourselves personally. We see the ego as something other than us. That is why I changed the word and added an “M” to it so now I call it the MEGO.
Here is what I mean by my new term, the MEGO. Every time I react to something with emotion it is me who comes to the foreground. It is me who is disappointed. It is me who is angry. It is me who feels hurt. It is me who needs the thank-you. It is me who needs the praise. Yet we are told to set our egos aside or that we are allowing our egos to run our lives and we generally can’t relate to what that ego thing is. Now I have a way to tie the ego with me and that is the MEGO.
Here’s the key; if it is all about me and to hell with anyone else that is where the MEGO has taken over the issue and the results will not be good. When the MEGO dominates the decision making process you will be making the decision based on the “what’s in it for me” emotion that will likely harm the other person or persons. Don’t get ahead of me here, you still have to look after yourself and not become a door mat for anyone, but when you can balance the ego and the needs of the self, then you can come to a decision that will be win/win for everyone.
I now make all of my decisions by setting the MEGO aside and evaluating why I’m upset, or sad, or anxious about a decision. Ever since I have been able to set the MEGO aside, the decisions have come faster and clearer and have all been the right decisions for me and those around me.
Remember the MEGO is a very selfish thing that does everything it can to feed itself. The more you allow your MEGO to dominate your life the worse it gets. The MEGO is not your friend; it is actually your enemy. Yes, I know that you are thinking that I am saying the “I” (me) is my own worse enemy, and you are right. We are our own worse enemies because we allow the MEGO to dominate all of our thinking and therefore all of our decisions are based on the MEGO which is not always logical.
So, here is my process now that I know the MEGO is trying to dominate me. If I get upset, anxious, worried or want to lash out, I stop and think why I am so upset. Of course the other thing that comes to mind is “why are they doing this to me?” I usually find out that they are not doing it to me, but that it is the MEGO who is putting that into my head. The other person in the interaction is only doing what they think is right at the time they are making the decision and probably they are making that decision based on trying to feed their MEGO as well. I have to tell you that if you are in a situation where two MEGOs are trying to satisfy each other, no good can come of the decision. One or both parities will get hurt. The next time you are feeling anxious about the decision, stop and check your MEGO and make sure you are not allowing “you” to get in the way of a good decision.
MOM’S TWO CENTS
By Jordin Williamson
DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE WRONG
Being a parent is about setting good examples for your children. It is about teaching them that when you make a mistake, you own up to it. You should always admit your mistake and apologize if you have hurt someone. Never let your ego get in the way. That applies to your parent/child relationship as well.
. If you say something or do something that has upset your child, it is important to admit if you have made a mistake. It is also important to say that you are sorry. As a child watches you acknowledge your mistakes it helps them learn to admit their own mistakes. It reinforces that you are not perfect and don’t expect them to be.
In all the stress and chaos of family life, it is easy to over re-act to a situation or incident that involves your children. Maybe you had a bad day at work, they ask you something at a bad time and you snap at them. After you realize that you took your bad mood out on them, sit them down and apologize. Let them know it wasn’t their fault and you are sorry for snapping. Add a hug at the end and move the rest of the night in a positive direction. Children bounce back fairly quickly and if they feel loved and validated they are very forgiving.
If you think your child did something wrong and you yell or punish them, and later find out that they were not responsible, set your ego aside and apologize. Explain that you jumped to conclusions and should not have assumed the worse. Tell them that next time you will get all the information before you re-act. Admitting you are not perfect and that it is ok the make mistakes as long as you acknowledge those mistakes and do your best to learn from them is good for all of you. That knowledge will give your children the ability to move ahead in life with greater confidence, empathy and concern for others.
Quote of the Month
By Brodi Mouradian
"It is one thing to understand what is right and wrong; it is another to be able to see the reality of your own situation, set your ego aside and follow your own advice."
To find out how we can help you or your organization please browse our website listed below.