Volume 1, Issue 3 March 2002
MANNERS: WHERE HAVE THEY GONE?
Remember when we were growing up, we were constantly told to “mind our manners”. We were taught to “be nice”. We were taught to say please and thank you. We were taught to share our toys. Then BANG!!! Something happens….we grow up.
Good manners translate into simply being nice. We should be looking out for others and being considerate of how we treat them. How many of you take the time to be nice? How many of you actually remember how to be nice?
When was the last time you complimented someone else for doing something nice?
How long has it been since you sent someone a thank you card?
It costs very little to be nice, yet the pay back is tremendous. Remember when I shared with you that my research told me that most people simply wanted to be celebrated and validated, and that most relationships falter because of a perceived attitude of indifference. When you are nice to others, they will in turn celebrate you and validation is what makes us happy.
In looking at the essence of good manners, it seems to me that people who possess good manners are people who understand how they affect others.
Offer your seat to someone who could use it.
Send a thank you card to someone who does right by you.
Send a friendship card to someone who needs it.
Let someone in line.
Hold the door open for someone who needs help.
Smile everyday at everyone.
Leave a penny in the “take a penny tray”.
Make sure you park between the lines.
Don’t park in the handicapped spot, even if it is only for a moment.
Place the stick on the conveyor at the grocery store so the person behind you can put their groceries down.
Make sure you yell “fore” if your golf ball goes astray.
Take a plastic bag with you when you walk your dog.
Bring your dog inside when you hear the barking.
Don’t drive in the passing lane, move to the right and allow others to pass (by the way, that is the law).
If you have any other “be nice” things…let us know and we will publish them.
Last month in my example of the hockey dad manslaughter case, I talked about using The Cooperative Action Model and how to walk away from a potentially toxic situation. One of our readers, Andy Mayer wrote this, “...you didn’t mention how the dad/child is supposed to handle being called a “sissy” by the other fathers and children by calling in the league. I know that you shouldn’t worry what other people think, but peer pressure is huge and as a child it can really effect your life. Your answer would be great to here.”
Well, Andy you bring up a good point and one that I am sure hits home to many of us. Peer pressure is sometimes really difficult to handle. But I found that those who bow to peer pressure and the concept of fitting in, (no matter what the price) are people who are searching for an identity. These are people who have not been validated just for being themselves.
This is where The Cooperative Action Model comes in. If we are nice to everyone and do our best to celebrate and validate others, then there will be less need to be searching for an identity because we will have been accepted as who we are.
Also keep in mind that the people who will tease others or call them a sissy are the ones with the problem and I would class them as 2%ers. Now do we want to live our lives for the 2% and their narrow life view.
I cannot empower others to stand up to peer pressure, that has to come within, but I do know that if a person is celebrated and validated for who they are by their parents, family and friends, they are less likely to bow to peer pressure.
Follow the model and peer pressure cannot adversely affect you, because you will have created your own identity and people will actually follow you. This is because you will be seen as a leader who is confident. A leader who knows who they are and what they need. A leader who does not have to have others tell him or her how to act, how to dress and who he or she can be friends with.
Remember that if you don’t empower the bully, there will be no sissy.
I hope that answers your question Andy…and thanks for the feedback.
“Be the person you were meant to be. NOT who others think you should be.”
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