Volume 2, Issue 3, March 2003

A PLAN FOR COOPERATIVE ACTION

In light of the recent increase in school bullying problems, I would like to focus this column on summing up The Mouradian Model for Cooperative Action© and relating it to the current unrest in the schools. I truly believe that cooperative action can work to change attitudes and behavior in people of all ages and backgrounds.

First off let me talk a little about the theory behind The Mouradian Model for Cooperative Action©. All most people want is to be validated, celebrated and loved. Much of the way this is accomplished, especially in our young people, is to be accepted by the ‘in group’. If you are not part of this ‘in group’, then you become an outcast and generally have to create a persona that may say, “to hell with you all, I’m going my own way and you’ll just have to deal with it”. The farther the outcast goes to assert his or her individualism, the more ridiculed he or she becomes and more ridicule is followed by more extreme actions until something breaks.

I know what I am speaking of, because I was a jock in school. Captain of the football team, a gold medal oarsman and a member of the school jock fraternity. We could get away with just about anything. I remember a time when we hung one of the ‘less than manly’ members of the camera club out of the window. Not a nice thing to do, but at the time all that was said was, “well, you know, boys will be boys.” That happened around 1965 and my concern is that this type of behavior is still prevalent today. If you are part of the ‘in crowd’, then you basically control the school. In the past the outcasts took the abuse, today, I think the outcast is finally breaking down and there is no one in the system to protect them. Words like, “well if you choose to dress like that, you should expect to be teased.” Or, “if you don’t want to be called ‘fatso’, then go to the gym and lose some weight.” Still another, “if they are teasing you when you walk down that hall, maybe you should go a different way.” And finally, “come on, lighten up, you know they are just teasing you, what’s the matter, can’t you take a joke?”

It sounds all too familiar doesn’t it? How many times have you been the brunt of cruelty or more importantly, how many times have you caused the cruelty in order to show off in front of your peers? By following The Mouradian Model©, this sort of behavior would simply not occur because the individual would not feel the need to create an outcast of another in order to bolster his or her own place in the pecking order. Let us look at The Cooperative Action Credo© and see how it can help with the current unrest that seems to be prevailing in our schools, our families, our workplace and our society in general.

Credo #1 - I celebrate the individual. If I in fact celebrate the individual, then I believe that all individuals should be able to do anything they want as long as they do not knowingly adversely affect the planet or anyone on it. Therefore, I have no business as creating outcasts of those who don’t dress, look or act like me. Everyone should be allowed to be the person they were meant to be. If I demand respect as an individual, then I must reciprocate that respect in others.

Credo #2 - It’s OK to be me. I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I am the person I was meant to be. I do not have to make fun of the outcast in order to elevate my own ego. Conversely, I do not have to become an outcast, for I know that there is nothing wrong with me, it is the person who is taunting me that really has the problem

Credo #3 - I communicate and negotiate all of my boundaries. Because I know that I am OK and because I respect and celebrate all other individuals, I am able to communicate all of my boundaries which enables me to clarify all of my relationships and therefore avoid any misunderstanding that could cause shame to myself and others.

Credo #4 - I look for balance and equilibrium in order to create a cooperative action. I understand that if I really want to do something (as long as it harms no one), I will be able to do it. I also understand that others have the same right. If I am celebrating the individual, I look at each situation and ask myself, “how important is it for me to get my way?” Usually, it is not that big a deal and therefore, I create cooperative action and allow the other person his or her choice in this particular situation.

Credo #5 - I build all relationships on trust and respect, not power or ownership. I know that I would not like anyone to think that they own me or have power or control over my life. Therefore, it is inconceivable for me to have power or ownership over another. All my relationships are built on trust and respect, for that is what I expect in return.

Credo #6 - I believe that acceptance is not necessarily agreement. This final credo shows me that I do not have to agree with everything everyone does. I do have to accept the fact that they have the right to do it. Again, as long as the action harms no one. Understanding that acceptance is not necessarily agreement and that takes the pressure off me to try to condone or change the other person’s behavior. Life is a lot smoother when you do not have to go around trying to change people to your way of thinking.

By living The Cooperative Action Credo©, you will be able to be the person you were meant to be. You will be able to understand and celebrate what others do. When someone is adversely affecting you, you will be able to communicate your boundaries in order to create a balance and equilibrium in the situation. All of your relationships will be based on trust and respect and you will not feel the need to change anyone else’s behavior in order to satisfy your need to feel important and in control.

Simply put, everyone will respect each other and the bullies will not need to create outcasts and if there are no outcasts, then violent controlling behavior will be minimized, if not eliminated entirely.

“You will be free to be the person you were meant to be, once you allow all others the freedom to be the people they were meant to be.”

Ted.

FEEDBACK

Ted, as usual you hit the nail right on the Head We all walk our own path in life and hopefully make decisions based on what is right for ourselves. Listen, learn and love your own life; don't be too quick to judge others, remember, different does not mean wrong We can learn so much more from what makes us different than from what makes us all the same. We should celebrate our differences, not attack them.

Thanks for this Ted, as usual very thought provoking.

Your friend

Barb Paris

Humphry says…

“Understand and accept the differences in others.”

Brodi’s Bits

Some of you have already received this message but I wanted to extend it to our Caravan list…..

Many of our friends and business associates have asked when Ted would be making a public presentation in the Niagara area. We wanted to let you know that Ted will be speaking in St. Catharines on April 2, 2003. This event, Building Community Relationships, is brought to you by Information Niagara and sponsored by 211 Niagara. This event will also be televised by COGECO TV 10 Niagara. This is a great opportunity to meet Ted and see him speak either for the first time, or like many people, to see him again. This will be a light, entertaining and thought provoking speech and well worth the time.

Please contact us for more details and to receive your free tickets or click on the link below:

http://www.informationniagara.com/211AprilEvent.htm

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