THE CARAVAN Volume 9, Issue 10, October 2010


CREATING VALUE 

There is an old saying. Value is the relationship between people and the things they desire. We look at an item or a person and wonder what others see in that item or that person. It can often be puzzling to us so we will make a judgment from our perspective. That can sometimes create problems in our relationships. Not everyone sees value in the same things. And our nature is to judge those that don't see things as we do. Let's examine how and why some people see value differently than others.

For value to exist there must be four components. One, there must be a need. Two, it must be useful. Three, it must be relatively scarce. And four, you must have the purchasing power.

THERE MUST BE A NEED. If you feel you don't need that thing or that relationship you will not find value in it. Yet another person may really feel the need and the stronger the need, the more the value.

IT MUST BE USEFUL. If you don't see a use for that thing or that relationship you will not find value in it. Useful can be aesthetic as well. Some people pay huge amounts of money for art. In a relationship the usefulness may even be as simple as companionship.

IT MUST BE RELATIVELY SCARCE. Simply put, we want what we can't have. When something is too abundant we take it for granted and then it looses its value.

YOU MUST HAVE THE PURCHASING POWER. This comes in two forms. You must have the money to purchase the item. But in the case of a relationship or goal, you must be willing to pay the price to obtain that relationship or goal.

Our biggest challenge here is not to judge what others perceive as having value because value is the relationship between people and the things they desire. I will repeat, "the things they desire". We have to always keep in mind that we don't have to buy that thing they desire. And we do not have to be in the relationship with that person. It really does not matter if we see value in their situation or not.

The next time you are about to judge what someone paid for something, remember, it really is none of your business. They are the ones that see the value and that does not make them wrong.

When you are trying to determine value in your relationships ask yourself these questions.

Do I need to be in this relationship?
Is the other person useful to me?
Are there others out there just like them or are they unique to this relationship?
Am I willing to pay the price necessary to be with them?

In order to create value in a relationship it is you that determines who has value to you. And they determine if you hold value to them.

When you give back in such a way that others value your presence, your input, your love and your friendship then you have truly created value in the minds of others whom you truly value. True value is earned; it is not a right.

Be well...

Ted




MOM’S TWO CENTS
By Jordin Williamson

FIND THEIR CURRENCY

I believe that one major reason why children misbehave these days is because there are not enough consequences for their behaviour. Why should they listen when not-listening only gets them put in a time out or scolded? Yes those things can work for smaller children but what happens when they are over 6? They do not have a consequence for the behaviour that out-weighs the fun of the behaviour.

If the consequence of the behaviour is not bad enough to deter the behaviour then why not do it? They do it because it sounds like fun, feels like fun or gets them some sort of emotional payoff. You only do things that get you something in return. If the payout to the bad behaviour is getting Mom's attention, then he will do it. If the payout is power over a smaller sibling, then he will do it. And if the punishment is a mere 5 minute timeout, then the payout is bigger than the punishment. Think about it. If a criminal knows he will only get a slap on the wrist from the judge he will shoplift the CD! He gets a bigger power rush or payout than the punishment he may face.

So the key is to find out what your child values. What is important to him? What is his currency? What would give him a bigger punishment than payout for his actions? Each child is different. We all value things differently. For some kids their currency could be hockey practice, riding their bike or talking on the phone. For other kids it could be watching TV, certain toys or video games. But once you find your child's currency you find the competition with the payout.

I have been trying to find my daughter's currency for over a year. She is tricky. She pretends that nothing is important to her so I don't have the power. But eventually I found that certain thing that she can't live with out. Something she values more than picking on her brother or getting mouthy over homework. Gradually I gain the control back and she learns to value her decisions. Because those decisions to misbehave can now cost her what she values.

What is your currency? What do you value? What would you stop someone from taking from you that would impact your behaviour?

Quote of the Month
By Brodi Mouradian

"Personal leadership is the process of keeping your vision and values before you and aligning your life to be congruent with them."
- Stephen Covey 
 

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