Volume 4, Issue 8, August 2005

A JOURNEY

“This journey is so simple, yet we complicate it.”  Ted Mouradian

When we are born, we are like sponges; soaking up everything around us.  We are constantly learning and discovering.  Part of our discovering is finding out who we are and what we need and want in order to make this an enjoyable and memorable journey.  As part of our journey we look for validation.  We just want to be noticed, needed and loved.

The problem is that throughout our journey we are constantly told how to act, what to like and who to dislike.  Many of us go through life feeling that we are not in control of our own lives.  From the beginning we are told to conform to the expectations of our family, our peers, our church, our job and our society.  This leaves so many of us without a sense of “self” because our “self” has not been allowed to shine through.

Therefore the only way we can know who we are is through our relationships.  We use our associations with our family, our church, our jobs and our possessions to remind us of who we are and where and what we are in relation to all others around us.  When we lose our associations, we feel lost and alone.  We have not learned how to have a relationship with ourselves.

The Mouradian Model for Cooperative Action© can help you discover who you are.  It will also show you how to validate others and how others will validate you.

The six tenants of the Mouradian Model are simple concise and totally portable.  They can be used in any relationship situation that you enter into.  Your journey will be more enjoyable with less stress once you apply the tenants.

First, celebrate and validate everyone around you.  By doing so, you will feed into their need to be noticed and they in turn will feed your need by giving you the same in return.  It is a full circle of mutual validation.

Second, let everyone be the people they were meant to be by allowing them to do anything they want as long as they don’t adversely affect the planet or anyone in it.  Too many times we criticize others and push our views onto them.  We then get into conflict.  If there is someone sitting next to you in a restaurant with blue and yellow hair and a pin in their nose, as long as their face is not in your soup, it is none of your business.  Leave them alone.  Let them enjoy their journey they way they see fit, as long as that way does not harm you or others.

Third, constantly negotiate your boundaries by using respectful, honest, and direct communication in order to bring a clear understanding to all of your interactions.  Too many times we fail to tell people what we need, instead, we tell them what they are doing wrong.  Try to understand where they are coming from and they in turn will understand what you need.  Relationships, like this journey, are fluid.  Over time, people change and therefore their needs change.  Make sure all of your communications are made directly to the other person or persons involved; do not triangle others into your relationship as this could spell disaster.

Fourth, always look for a balance and equilibrium in order to create a Cooperative Action without losing a sense of self.  Take down the walls that create non-cooperation.  Think things through and look for a way to come to common ground.  If no common ground can be seen, then at least you tried.  Step back and take personalities and personal agendas out of the equation and look for cooperative action.  Do not ever compromise who you are and what you stand for.  If common ground cannot be found, then simply and gracefully walk away as stated in tenant number six.

Fifth, no one person in a relationship has power or ownership over any other person, or persons, in the relationship.  There must be a sense of mutual trust and respect.  If you treat everyone in all of your relationships with mutual trust and respect that is exactly what you will receive in return.

Sixth, not all relationships are meant to be.  One person’s views and boundaries may not be compatible with another.  This is when we understand that “acceptance is not necessarily agreement”, and (where necessary) it may be time to walk away.  Walking away is the last resort.  Once you have tried to tell them what you need and found out what they need, then looked for a cooperative solution without losing who you are, you have done your best.  If the relationship is toxic, then walk away. 

Walking away is not wrong and that does not mean the relationship has failed.  It simply means that this relationship cannot and will not work.  Let it go and move on.

So, let us recap…

Validate and celebrate everyone you come in contact with.  Allow them to be the people they were created to be.  Let everyone know what you need and ask others what they need of you and then look for a balance and equilibrium in order to create cooperative action without losing your sense of self.  Build all of your relationships on mutual trust and respect, not power and ownership and finally, if it is not working, don’t get upset; don’t blame; don’t burn bridges; just simply walk away and move on.

The Mouradian Model for Cooperative Action© is a simple and uncomplicated way to make your journey stress free and enjoyable without being too complicated.

May Peace Be With You…

Ted

DID YOU KNOW?  

By Pierre R. Ouellette Hon.B.A., LL.B.

A recent Time magazine (August 8, 2005) featured a special report entitled ‘Being 13’ which explored the outset of the teen years. One of the segments that naturally caught our attention dealt with the rise of ‘cyberbullies’. It touched upon the growing trend towards cyberspace being the 21^st century bully’s playground.

One of the more telling points was that parents “are totally clueless that some of this even exists.” The article listed several ways for normally “clueless parents” to stay on top of potential problems. These were - 

1. LEARN – Be sure you yourself know how to use the Net.
2. BE AWARE – Know what it is that your kids do online. Is it primarily games or instant messaging?
3. TALK – An ongoing dialogue helps kids feel comfortable in telling you if something bad happens online.
4. TRUST – Reading your kid’s email will obviously create obstacles to openness. An actual agreement with your teens allows them the benefits of the Net while protecting them from most of its dangers.

Did you know that unlike schoolyard bullying cyberbullying is predominantly a female phenomenon?

REMINDER:

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE SEMINAR ON AUGUST 30^TH

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