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Volume 6, Issue 7, July 2007
JUST ASK One of the most interesting aspects of we humans is that we will complain about a person or a situation but will rarely confront that person about the situation. Also, we will generally feel uncomfortable about asking someone something and then complain about not getting what we need. I have found that in most cases (remember, nothing is 100%) that when I ask, I get. When I don't ask, I generally don't get. Brodi has a sign on her desk that Wayne Gretzky said. "You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take." The more you are able to ask for what you need the more you will get what you need. Too many times we assume that the other person can read our minds and therefore we expect them to give us what we need without any conversation. Then we are disappointed when we don't get what it is we need. In Tenet #3 of The Mouradian Model we talk about communicating directly, respectfully and honestly. We also talk about telling people what you need not what they are doing wrong. So, let's look at a few situations in order to make the point. Say you are at a restaurant and you don't see anything on the menu that you like, but there are combinations that could work. Usually we will not order or order something and only eat the part we wanted. I found that if you ask for something special, in most restaurants they will accommodate your request. JUST ASK What if you want a second piece of pie when you are visiting a friend's house? We will sit there and not get what we want because many of us have been programmed to believe that you shouldn’t ask. Many of you think that if you ask you are rude. Well I am here to tell you that if you don't ask you will not get. Now let me bring another aspect to this. If the person you are visiting is going to be that upset because you are respectfully asking for something, then why are you hanging around with them in the first place? Most people will actually accommodate your request without hesitation. As for how we ask for what we want, we need to make sure that when we are requesting something that we tell the other person what we need, not what they are doing wrong. The simple fact is that they will either grant our request or not. The concept is so simple. Ask and you will probably get. Don’t ask and you will never get. Let me know how you make out. (See, I asked). Ted
SIDEBAR
By Pierre R. Ouellette Hon.B.A., LL.B.
In last month’s Sidebar I started a discussion on the concept of Restorative Justice. In some discussions since then I have been struck by suggestions that this is some new, pie in the sky theory of community justice. Restorative Justice is actually an old idea with a new name. Its roots can be found in some of the indigenous practices and traditions of First Nations. It is also present, however, in the non-retaliatory responses to violence endorsed by many faith communities. Communities are empowered to choose their response to conflict. The Restorative Justice approach looks to victims, offenders and communities to actively participate in devising mutually beneficial solutions and then implementing those solutions. Conflicts are resolved in a way that restores harmony in the community members’ relationship and allows people to continue to live together in a safe and healthy environment. In practical terms restorative programmes are characterized by several specific elements. Justice in this insistence requires that the offender work with those who have been injured. There is the process of encounter where opportunities are created for victims, offenders and interested community members to meet to discuss the crime and its aftermath. The next element is one of making amends. There is a real expectation that offenders will take steps to repair the harm they have caused. The process also seeks to reintegrate the parties into the community. It looks to restore both victims and offenders as whole contributing members of society. In short, Restorative Justice simply seeks to give parties with a stake in a specific crime the chance to participate in its resolution. What might be interesting is to explore ways in which this concept could be implemented in other forums. Can the notion of ‘restoration’ apply in child rearing? Is there a management-labour spin to this? How about discipline in schools? As usual I welcome your comments and observations and can be reached at Pierre@CooperativeAction.com.
MOM'S TWO CENTS
By Jordin Williamson
Just ask! As a parent, I think this concept gets lost sometimes. Some of us feel that we shouldn’t have to ask. That our kids and our spouses should just help. If you come home from work and you have had a rough day, you may need some help with dinner or the laundry. But instead you will just stomp around the house, feeling overwhelmed and then resentful as you see your husband and kids sitting down watching television. No one really understands why you are upset because you never tell them. You may yell and make demands but have you ever tried to just stop and ask for help. I have and it really works. STOP! Take a breath and sit down on the couch. Ask your family for help. “I have had a long day and I could use some help with dinner tonight. Can you kids set the table for me and pour everyone some milk? I would really appreciate it. Honey, can you please start a load of laundry and then join us for dinner - that would be great! Thank you.” Now every one can sit down for a nice family meal and have some pleasant conversation without anyone feeling stressed. Everyone will be happy and you got it all because you asked. Go figure! Jordin
Quote of the Month Submitted by Brodi Mouradian
"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." - Chinese Proverb
To find out how we can help you or your organization please browse our website: www.CooperativeAction.com or contact us at 905-682-7380/1-877-393-3433.
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